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Disclaimer for Women: If you are a woman, please don’t read this. If you are a woman that I know; I’m not talking about you here. If you are a woman that I don’t know; I’m not talking about you either.

I am getting sick and tired of getting emails from people whose sole purpose in life is forwarding chain emails. I mean come on guys just because internet costs $20 a month doesn’t mean you guys should spend unlimited time forwarding shit that’s full of SHIT.

This moron sends me an email today that reads”25 Things The Perfect Guy Would Do”. So here I am thinking; how stupid can one get? Whats wrong with the woman of today. How come 90% of emails coming from women (or originating from women) are mere wish lists of either “how their guys should be” or “how make up should be” or “how their therapist should be” etc? How come no women ever write stuff about just how things and people are. I cant remember the last time a woman-written email came through that appreciated the things the way they are.

Here is a list of some of the points made by this wishful lady, with my responses. There is no way I would publish the whole 25 points here (I got more important things in life to take care of)

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down!
Well pick up a copy of your local classifieds and look for the “clown” section. You can have one of those “guys” come over for $30 an hour and he will make you smile as much as you like (as long as they are paid). Smile is a gift that comes built in by nature, if you don’t have it……… too bad.

2. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.
Last time I checked, respect was a two way street and so was independence. 75% of women get the definition of Independence wrong, The other 25% are just too old :)   {I can get into some serious trouble for this one}

3. His hands always find yours.
Awww…. how romantic! Isn’t this what women say when they read stuff like this? Well guess what, holding hands is for Gays and Lesbians. Expedia.com has cheap tickets to San Francisco (…. or Toronto for that matter)

5. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
Translation: You spend giving him shit for 2 hours and make him feel like a dork and then he comes and dances with you. How romantic, isn’t it? Lets face it, few things make him feel like a dork. Don’t make him feel like a dork and he will salsa, ballet and break dance with you for as long as you want.

6. React cutely when you hit and hurt him.
How come guys should look cute when they are hurt, but when women get hurt they become “Victims of Domestic Violence?” How would you like if it hurts him and he actually picks up the phone and calls 911? Again, life is all about give and take. When you demand equal rights….. well, offer and agree to equal rights!! The good old supply and demand equation!

7. Drive hours and hours  just to see you for 30 minutes.
Gas is at $3.2/Gallon. The hole in the Ozone layer is the size of Elton Johns asshole. What oxygen are we going to breath if only 25% of men in the world drove just 6 hours straight once every 3 years throughout their lifetime to see the lady of their lives? Imagine the air pollution catastrophe. Specially when 50% of them are gonna break up eventually anyway. Its in the best interest of all living beings that we all use video chat (MSN & Skype etc) for relationships that require lengthy drives.

8. Call almost every day for no reason.
You will love him for calling every day as long as you are not on the same cell phone plan and sharing your minutes. If you are, you will still love him for calling every day ONLY if he is the one paying the bill. On another note, this particular statement belongs to the list of “25 things women do to piss men off” which is…. calling for no reason and going on and on about stuff that isn’t even important.

…. and the list goes on. I don’t have much time for this crap. If you are a woman and just read this; lets do a recap of my “about me” page here and remind ourselves that this website and its pages don’t generalize. What was said here was meant to point towards specific women. So don’t get mad, just have your laugh and move on.

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